Ferris Bueller’s Lay Off

I remember walking out of the theatre after seeing The Breakfast Club for the first time and wanting so badly to be Judd Nelson, but knowing I was probably much more of an Emilio Estevez.

I also remember seeing Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and having a similar reaction. Of course I wanted to be a Ferris, but I knew I was more of a Cameron.

Along with Sixteen Candles, John Hughes movies defined my childhood. More than any other director, he seemed to really get us middle class suburban kids. He didn’t judge us for being clueless. In fact, he made you feel kind of good about it. He showed us what we could make out of those meaningless lives that we were being forced to sleepwalk our way through day after day.

He was like a cool uncle or an older brother. You could talk to him about anything.

But then he sort of disappeared.

It’s like he kinda lost interest in us after high school.

We were forced to turn to Brett Easton Ellis for direction.

It was kind of a dick move.

I like to think that out of all the characters he gave us, Long Duk Dong probably became the most successful adult. That kid knew how to have a good time, but he also knew his limits.

“No more yanky my wanky. The Donger need food.”

Pardon the inappropriate cultural stereotype, but it was the 80’s. Like I said, we were clueless.

I’m also going to guess that Judd Nelson’s character, John Bender ended up doing okay for himself. I had more than a few John Bender friends. They were wild and reckless. They stole car stereos and sold weed and got in lots of trouble. Each and every one of them ended up doing better than me.

I was too scared of my parents to be a real John Bender. I didn’t skip school. I tried my best at everything I did. I followed the rules. I thought that would guarantee me a life above the Benders of the world, but it did not. Those Benders became successful entrepreneurs. I ended up a freelance copywriter.

Which is kind of what I could see Ferris Bueller doing. Ferris would’ve fucked off in college just like I did and then found a loophole to escape the inevitable fate assigned to a low GPA graduate.

He would’ve gone into advertising.

He would’ve gotten his first job at the same big Chicago agency I did and he would’ve been made a creative director by the time he was 30.

But eventually reality would set in.

He’d get married to Sloan Peterson and eventually they'd have kids. He’d want to earn more money while also being able to occasionally leave the agency before midnight. He’d become too expensive and a difficult decision would have to be made.

I don’t think that would be the end of Ferris though. If deadbeat dad John Hughes taught us anything, it was how to bounce back from failure and rejection. That’s how Anthony Michael Hall finally got those panties. He overcame adversity.

Also, I think Cameron would be in finance. He’d help Ferris out if things got a little tight for a while.

I got no real beef with John Hughes, but I do sometimes wonder why he didn’t stick with us at least through the early adult years. Sure, Joel Schumacher stepped in with St. Elmo’s Fire­­—but it was pretty shitty.

There’s a lot of light on Gen X right now as we approach retirement in jobs that are quickly disappearing and paying salaries that are less and less than what we expected to be making at this point in our careers.

I try not to think about it.

You can’t get caught up in that stuff.

It’ll just keep you up at night.

Because after all, remember: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Thanks for reading. I’ll see you again real soon.