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Subterranean Homesick Advertising Blues

Johnny’s at the agency Underpaid outrageously I’m on my last chance Scrapin’ by on freelance The man in the Hathaway shirt With an...

How to Make a Board

When you google how to make a board you get a bunch of Pinterest stuff. Keep going and you get some great ideas on how to make your own...

And So, This is Christmas.

People who know that I’m Jewish sometimes ask me what I do at Christmas. I tell them, "I celebrate Christmas." I don’t go to church. I...

Polka Makes It Better

He was a failure, as a sailor. Every ship he ever sailed on sunk. He was a flop, as a cop. Because he showed up for every shift drunk. He...

Being Jewish Sucks

You're probably expecting me to walk that headline back pretty quickly. I’ll give it a shot. Being Jewish sucks. It’s probably not as bad...

I'll Give It One More Day

In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of every glove that laid him down And cut him ‘til...

If I Only Had a Brain

I could bill so many hours Sitting in their ivory towers, Sipping coffee or just chatting with Elaine; They’d pay me just to show up And...

Ode to Unfortunate Truth

Think big. Think fast. Think outside the box. Even though you live in a box and you work in a box, on a box, at a job that you drove to...

Finding Your Voice

Writers talk a lot about finding their voice. In advertising you don’t really use your voice. Sometimes you use your voice. But in...

What To Do When Nothing Works

There will be times in your life when you feel two feet tall. Surrounded by giants. You’re cornered. You stand with your back to the...

Kick Out The Jams, Motherf#ckers!

Brothers and sisters, I wanna see a sea of hands out there. Let me see a sea of hands. I want everybody to kick up some noise. I wanna...

Dreamweaver Part 1—The Best Of

Though the dawn may be coming soon There still may be some time Fly me away to the bright side of the moon Meet me on the other side Ooh,...

Baby did a bad, bad thing.

Things change. The earth does indeed revolve around the sun. And every time it does a little something happens to it. Especially in...

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