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Hallelujah
I heard there was a secret chord, That David played and it pleased the Lord. But you don’t really care for music do ya’? Even from a...
Jul 245 min read


Check Engine
The check engine light in my car has been on since the fall of 2023. It’s unlike me not to address it. I’ve always been a person who took...
Apr 203 min read


Ferris Bueller’s Lay Off
I remember walking out of the theatre after seeing The Breakfast Club for the first time and wanting so badly to be Judd Nelson, but...
Apr 143 min read


“The Six-Foot Woman Blues”
E Here comes my old lady. E My baby’s six-foot one. E Baby, my old lady she’s a whole ‘lot of fun. E A...
Mar 204 min read


All I wanted was a Pepsi. Just one Pepsi. And she wouldn't give it to me.
Life is filled with different phases and transitions. Currently, I’m enjoying my middle-aged man phase. It’s an interesting time filled...
Mar 125 min read


Graceland
“This is the story of how we begin to remember. This is the powerful pulsing of love in the vein.” When the album Graceland came out, I...
Jan 286 min read


Man of Constant Sorrow
Chapter One: Physics I am a man of constant sorrow I’ve seen trouble all my days. I bid farewell to old Kentucky The place where I was...
Jan 119 min read


What if, what if is the problem?
I don’t watch much TV anymore. I used to watch tons, but once the kids were born that changed. At first, I was just too tired. If I had...
Dec 5, 20244 min read


How Am I Any Different?
I’m trying really hard to be a good American these days. Sincerely. I really am. It’s difficult. There’s a lot of pressure. You’re really...
Nov 20, 20244 min read


Meet My Bully
The guy who bullied me in high school got arrested a few months ago. You’d think I’d be happy about it, but I find myself holding a...
Nov 11, 20244 min read


Find what you love and let it kill you
I’m a star-shaped balloon, running out of gas. I reached for the moon, but it was beyond my grasp. You should have seen me an hour ago. I...
Nov 4, 20244 min read


If Ever There Were a Vote in Need of Being Rocked
“And these children that you spit on As they try to change their worlds. Are immune to your consultations They're quite aware of what...
Oct 31, 20245 min read


Upside Down
When are you gonna come down? When are you going to land? I should have stayed on the farm I should have listened to my old man. As the...
Jan 3, 20244 min read


Blood
“Do you realize? That everyone you know, someday, will die. And instead of saying all of your goodbyes. Let them know you realize that...
Dec 24, 20236 min read


December 19, 2023
Twas the week before Christmas, and me, being a Jew... I was keeping my head down, because these days, that’s what we do. Every morning,...
Dec 19, 20231 min read


The Rapidly Diminishing Return on Fuck-You Money
Poor Jack McGrath just wants to be a stringer. But he can’t hold the strings because he broke all of his fingers. So he says to himself,...
Dec 5, 20233 min read


The Case Against Collaboration—A Secret Chinese Restaurant in Suburban Detroit
"For a writer, sometimes, it's good to step away." Says only the writer who has nothing to say. There's a secret Chinese restaurant in...
Nov 20, 20234 min read


The last one.
When all the rest are gone— if I'm the last one— will you be happy when it’s just me? Will you parade me around as a sign of your victory...
Nov 9, 20231 min read


The if in Life.
If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you… There’s an if in life. You can see it right there...
Jul 12, 20233 min read


The Bernbach Principle. How Bud Light earned the title of gayest beer in America.
The quote: "A principle isn’t a principle until it costs you money" was originally said by Bill Bernbach. In 1964, after the U.S. Surgeon...
Jul 5, 20234 min read
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