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  • Jeff Eaker

If I Only Had a Brain





I could bill so many hours Sitting in their ivory towers, Sipping coffee or just chatting with Elaine; They’d pay me just to show up And entertain the grown-ups

If I only had a brain.


I'd be glad to sit in meetings And take my daily beatings Until a round of layoffs comes my way; I might even get promoted Over those who work remoted If I only had a brain.


Oh, I, will tell you why…

The freelance life’s a grind.

You gotta work.

Like some kind of jerk.

You don’t get paid at all

For playing foosball.


So at home is where I’m sittin’.

Getting paid, for only what I’ve written

Yes, keeping track of all the invoices is a pain;

But the work is less of a task

When nobody owns your ass

And you’re not wasting your life on playing their corporate game.


Oh, I, can’t tell you why…

The bosses want to throw their cash away.

Payin’ rent.

When the dough is much better spent

Letting people get shit done in their own way.


My head must be full of stuffin’

I miss out on all the muffins

Leftover from the meeting yesterday;

I could go back to feeding vultures.

Get paid to embrace their culture

If I only had a brain.













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