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Wake Me Up Before You Go, Go

You put the boom-boom into my heart You send my soul sky-high When your lovin' starts Jitterbug into my brain (yeah-yeah) Goes a...

Little Bunny and Big Bear

Little Bunny wakes up in the forest all alone. He looks around for the other bunnies, but no one is there. This makes Little Bunny...

The Perk that Got Away

Advertising agencies love to brag about their benefits packages. At least they used to. I’ve been steadily freelancing for the last four...

On a Dark Desert Highway

Jesse wanders. Jesse wanders because he worries. Jesse wonders why he worries while he wanders. Up ahead in the distance I saw a...

Just the Tip

Table saws cause about 30,000 injuries per year in the U.S. alone. Last summer I got to be one of them. Admittedly, I was doing something...

This is Your Brain on Chat GPT

When properly formulated by an experienced and reliable chemist, LSD is an interesting drug. I tried it three times in college, but it...

I Need a New Metric.

There is a man. A certain man. And for the poor you may be sure That he’ll do all he can! Who is this one? This fav’rite son? Just by his...

Kinko's Tacos Mister Robotos

I owe Styx an apology. A few posts back I was talking about Kanye West hating on the Jews. I said being hated by Kanye West is like being...

Subterranean Homesick Advertising Blues

Johnny’s at the agency Underpaid outrageously I’m on my last chance Scrapin’ by on freelance The man in the Hathaway shirt With an...

How to Make a Board

When you google how to make a board you get a bunch of Pinterest stuff. Keep going and you get some great ideas on how to make your own...

And So, This is Christmas.

People who know that I’m Jewish sometimes ask me what I do at Christmas. I tell them, "I celebrate Christmas." I don’t go to church. I...

Polka Makes It Better

He was a failure, as a sailor. Every ship he ever sailed on sunk. He was a flop, as a cop. Because he showed up for every shift drunk. He...

Being Jewish Sucks

You're probably expecting me to walk that headline back pretty quickly. I’ll give it a shot. Being Jewish sucks. It’s probably not as bad...

I'll Give It One More Day

In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of every glove that laid him down And cut him ‘til...

If I Only Had a Brain

I could bill so many hours Sitting in their ivory towers, Sipping coffee or just chatting with Elaine; They’d pay me just to show up And...

Ode to Unfortunate Truth

Think big. Think fast. Think outside the box. Even though you live in a box and you work in a box, on a box, at a job that you drove to...

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